Anger - March 8, 2015

 

James 1: 19-20     19 My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,  20 for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

Proverbs 29:11     11 A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.

Ecclesiastes 7:9     9 Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools.

Psalm 37:8-9     8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret--it leads only to evil. 9 For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.

Anger is a vicious and ugly animal. We don't know how to treat this animal so we lock our anger away … ashamed that something so primal, so nasty, might lurk within us. But when we feel our physical or psychological well-being is threatened or our egos are being challenged  we often revert to this primitive coping mechanism.

Most days, we can conceal our anger from people at work or at school. But this “beast within” is practically impossible to hide from our significant other, family and close friends. Some of us respond to this vulnerability by lashing out. Others retreat and coil tight emotionally. Neither of these reactions are healthy. The appropriate response is more human … and requires more courage.

Understanding Anger

Situational anger is tied to specific "triggering" words or actions. It also has a specific solution: working through the problem with the offending party. Chronic anger often stems from a complex form of PTSD, childhood trauma—neglect, abandonment or abuse. Even the slightest provocation can awaken these sleeping giants. A therapist can help you resolve any issues from your childhood that may be affecting your  interactions with people.

In order to get your needs met and express your anger in appropriate ways, you need to be in touch with what you are really feeling. Are you truly angry? Or is your anger masking other feelings such as embarrassment, insecurity, hurt, shame, or vulnerability?

If your knee-jerk response in many situations is anger, it is very likely that your temper is covering up your true feelings and needs. This is especially likely if you grew up in a family where expressing feelings was strongly discouraged. As an adult, you may have a hard time acknowledging feelings other than anger.

God of peace,

teach us to be peacemakers. Help us to cultivate peace between others and you. Teach us the art of building bridges and not walls